Thursday, January 3, 2013

Spank or not Spank?

My littles are two very strong willed children. Already I can look at them and know what they are thinking. I love when they push the limits. I love when they are starting to do their own things. Trying to feel me out. Like with the blinds all day long they go up to them and touch them waiting for me to do something or say something. Dropping things over the babygated area. I get up say no and move them. They cry throw a fit and go back and do it all day long. It is a drawn out baby version of cat and mouse.

Same thing in the tub at night. They sit good and then they get up and try to walk around. They have done this to me for months. All bath time they hear "Hey, sit on your butt!" & "Sit down right now." or the " Ok, now you have done it! Its time to get out of the tub. No more play time in the tubby for you." My neighbors above us must think I am a nut. Well let me tell them. I am a nut. I have two 14 month old twin boys. Yup I am pretty sure I am nuts.

Hubs and I had this great master plan on how to Discipline the boys!!! We would hold our tempers and lovingly talk to them. That was my thoughts. His thoughts were when they were old enough to know NO that they would then get a small spanking. (Cringe)

One of the most important virtues a parent can instill in their child is discipline. This can also be one of the hardest parts of parenting. When do you decide how you will go about punishing your child??

Back in my day it was common for children to be spanked, even hit with objects such as cords or belts.  The boys MeeMa loves to tell the story of the day her mom Grandmamom , hit her and the spoon broke in half. My mom, ( MeeMa) burst in a belly roll attach of laughing and that just pissed her mom off even more.  I was spanked and so was hubs. There are no seeable damage but our therapists might totally disagree.

With that being said tradition doesn't always mean the right thing to do though. There is a good reason spanking is fading out in modern day. All the research points to children who are spanked having some damaging psychological affects: low self esteem, trust issues,drug/alcohol abuse, aggressive behavior, depression... the list goes on and on.

There is certainly a big difference between smacking your childs butt and hitting them so hard they are left with bruises or welts, or smaking them in the face and leaving a hand print impression for days.  I don't agree with it and this may make me seem like a big fat hypocrite, but I don't think it's a big deal if a kid who's old enough to understand right from wrong deliberately disobeys their parent and gets swatted on the butt. I do have a huge huge problem with some of the awful examples of parenting that I've been a witness to.

I've seen a toddler slapped on the head for walking in the wrong direction. I've seen parents who resort to time outs or loss of privileges being mocked by other parents for that choice. One thing for sure is the mommies sure can be way to judgemental and they are the most hard on other mommies. The playground preasure is so bad at times and I am only a year into it.

I totally get why parents do spank their child. Short term it does work. Children learn to fear their parent and therefore become obedient. Sometimes it may seem like the only method that will get you any sort of compliance. Then there's always the argument of, "I was spanked as a child and turned out just fine."

Don't get me wrong. I am not telling anyone how to raise their children at all... If you make the decision to use spanking as a parenting tool then that's your business. For my family though, at this point in my life, I do not foresee spanking my child all of the time, once in a while to get through to them I might have to spank them through their padded diapers... As you can tell I am at odds about it.  I hear in the back of my head spare the rod, spoil the child. 

As short of a temper as I have at times, I cannot picture myself hurting my littles on purpose. Ever. I just raise my voice a little to loud at them at times and that hurts them enough. I do understand that verbal abuse is just as harmful as physical but where do we as parents draw the line in the sand? What is the black and white of the situations?

What are your thoughts on spanking vs. Yelling??


Alexis AKA MOM said...

OH lord I try it all, my boys push me to my limits! Usually we do a lot of time out and take away items. But sometimes a wake on the butt seems to do the trick. I so know some people don't agree but it has to work for each parent :)

Allison Ryan said...

You should look into Applied Behavior Analysis principles. It's what I do all day with the kiddos I work with and is a proven method of dealing with and changing undesired behavior.

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