I am not perfect!

There is something I would have never admitted 3 years ago when I became a Mom that I wasn't perfect at it. I wanted to have everyone think how perfect I was. What a great wife and mom I was... but I have to let you in on a little secret. I am not.  It all started when my twins yes both of them hit the floor.   

 I remember, I was mortified when a friend of mines little one fell off the couch when I was watching her other child. I was able to brush it off. Then it happened here with not just one baby but two...and not just once but like a zillion and one times!  The littles are like two billy goat gruff's. Always climbing and walking on things they shouldn't. The back of couches, the toy tractor that they climb on in hopes to climb over the baby gates! When this has happened the first few times I had feelings of guilt in my head like, “You are such a horrible mom!” and “Why weren’t you just watching?” and “You are so stupid to put him on the couch to just roll over." Now when it happens I feel like shit at first but then I say to the boys, "Well listen to what Mama and Daddy have said and not climb on things, and you wont get hurt." 

I never thought I would have a son with Cerebral Palsy but I do. I never thought I would be able to handle twin boys, but I’m still alive. Sometimes, I feel like it is just barely, but I’m making it through,  I’m walking blindly through my way of motherhood. Sometimes I am doing great and somedays not so much, Worrying about B's health makes me wanna just sit & cry. Many of nights I have had to just let it out in the shower when I am finally all alone and everyone is asleep in the house. There I can cry and no one can hear me. If I 'm not done its okay, I can quietly cry myself to sleep. Then wake up to to the littles laughing and talking on the monitor. This is when I know I am living the dream and doing everything perfect. Perfect for myself and my family.  
                             

But, truth be told. I still cry a lot because motherhood is no joke. And, although some things I feel like I have down and mastered, like feeding the littles at a restaurant with little to no screaming now....( I said a little)  I cry because motherhood has me on the seat of my pants every day all day.  It is so true that with each stage, comes a different challenge. I never thought I’d be thinking about or going through but I am and it going to be alright. We are going to make as a family.
                                       

I don’t think any of us moms have it completely together. And, if you are looking at a Mom and you think she does, just think again. She probably is just doing the same thing you are, crying in the shower when everyone is asleep.  Or maybe sneaking a little wine into a baby bottle at times?                                                     
                                      

I use to want to make sure everyone thought I was perfect... the perfect wife and mother.... Then on the 3rd of July when my sister was visiting with my brother in law and nephew. I totally lost it.... B was sick and throwing up and having seizures... I wanted this visit to be perfect to have nothing wrong. That didn't happen. When we went to dinner I completely lost my shit. I now know that it is okay to let people know that I mess up so badly. I’m tired of showing all the perfect moments. I want to be real. Sometimes a little to real.  Let me tell ya a little secret. It’s hard to show people how badly I am. I need to be real. I saw this on Tell Another Mom 

Because being real means…

Swallowing your pride and saying you need help.

It means being open about your feelings even if they hurt someone else’s feelings.

It means sometimes saying no.

It means accepting that you have faults and forgiving yourself.

It means being as nice to yourself as you are to your friends.

It means owning up to the fact that you just screwed up royally and then moving on.

It means letting someone see your house messy.

It means sharing your whole self with someone, not just the parts that you want people to see.

It means not trying to keep up with the mom that does seem “perfect”.

It means letting go of the image in your head of what kind of mom you should be.

It means looking at another mom and seeing her for who she might be on the inside.

Let’s just stop comparing. Stop trying to live up to. Stop trying to perfect this thing that is impossible to perfect. There is no right way or wrong way to do things when you’re a Mom. So, stop pretending that there is. We are evolving and changing every single day. We are screwing up, starting over, and resolving to do better tomorrow. We are imperfect. And that’s just fine! It is all ok. Because when you look in your babies eyes they think you are perfect. To me my babies and husbands idea of perfect for me is what matters the most. 

Am I Cheap or Smart?

The girl I use to be would never have my kids in re-used stuff. Unless it came from someone that I knew.  With that said I'm not ashamed to admit that my kids wear clothes from consignment sales.  Why not?  They seriously wear them for 3-6 months max, and then they've gotten so stinkin' big that their tummies and ankles are beginning to show.  We go to about 4 sales a season - some on half price day and some on their regular sale days, in order to fill our closets (maybe a little too abundantly). I haven't bought them anything brand new the entire time they have been alive that wasn't on sale, or from one of my favorite consignment shop. 

As these sales begin in the next few months start. I feel so excited to get 2T/24 Month stuff and summer stuff for next year! Of all the sales my favorite is the 2nd weekend in October.. It is in the Tacoma area and people from all over come, to check it out. It is called the TPOM SALE and its a bunch of us twin/multiple mommy's that save our kids stuff to re-sell. It's so fun and you get such a great deal on so many things. If you are in the area you should totally check us out! They hold it every year at Bates school in Tacoma. I will post more information on my Facebook page The Twin Peaks Mama, so stay tuned. 

I have to admit that I completely go bat shit crazy when they boys get stains on their clothes and no amount of stain remover can make it go away.  I always say to my husband. "NO!! You have to take their shirts off so I can re-sell them. If not are kids will go naked because I have to make money to spend money." He always rolls his eyes at me. He has said a few times over the past year, that he is thankful I am so thrifty and I get such good deals on things for the boys. That is takes a little pressure off of him. I promised when we planned on having the boys that I would do anything I can to make our money stretch with me not working.  I hope this post helps you! 

1) Go As Early as Possible: Not only will you have your "pick of the litter" with the clothes, toys and gear, but you can also snag some of the best deals this way.  Because sellers each price their items independently, there may be duplicates of the same items at a range of prices.  For example, one recent sale had six almost identical items (a popular battery powered ball blower toy) in stock.  Prices ranged from $5-$15 for the toy, with the highest priced item not necessarily the one in the best condition.  Earlier shopping allowed us to pick up the best quality item for $8.  Many sales offer pre-shopping events for new parents, new grandparents, military veterans and their families, organization members, consigners and volunteers.  The early bird catches the worm and some of the pre-sales require online registration so check the sale's website for opportunities. 

2) Bring a bag or laundry basket: Sales are unlikely to have shopping carts so think creatively about how you'll tote your items around while shopping.  We hung lots of clothes on the handle of our stroller, and used an ikea bag for overflow.  A cart on wheels or wagon would be especially helpful! I now use the laundry basket after seeing a few moms doing this at the last few sales. 

3) Get to Know Your Sale: What are your options for pre-sales?   Do they have a policy against strollers?  What payment methods are accepted?  Do they have a half-price sale and if so - what are the details.  I really recommend scouring all the links on the sale's website (FAQs, Info for Shoppers, Videos etc.).  You'll get a good look at what to expect.  When you arrive, consider chatting with a volunteer.  Most sales have a "holding area" that you can utilize so you don't have to carry around your large items.  They can also provide great details about bathrooms, checkout procedures and any sale discounts.  One piece of advice learned from my own failure is to really ASK about the half price sale.  Do not assume that because it says "half price" that all items are discounted.  Some sales put red dots on sale items, some put dots on items exempt from discounts.  Communication is really key for getting all the deals you were expecting at checkout. With the TPOM sale we mark things down at the very last hour of the sale. Please don't hoard your things till the very last part of the sale. These are mom's trying to sell their things for the best price they can get. It is over half the amount you would normally pay in the stores anyway. SO come on and get your stuff at the first pic and then go back and get the sale items that are tagged with a D for discount. 

4) Be Prepared for Anything:  You won't know what to expect before the sale - so expect the unexpected.  Our first sale was fairly small, and we walked right up to the checkout counter.  So boy was I surprised when, while shopping new mom pre-sale at our second sale (which was huge), we encountered an ENORMOUS line. Like so big it took almost 2 hours to check out!!!   Also when shopping with kids, realize the possibility that there may not be a bathroom as many sales are held in usually unoccupied buildings.  Both my babes got changed in a corner behind a sales rack, and I was glad to have an extra blanket to protect them from the floor.

5) Come with an Empty Car: Yeah I hear ya - you don't plan to buy anything big.  But you really never know.  We ended up having a FULL back hatch of my SUV and an exersaucer riding home on my mom's lap. Do yourself a favor and make room before you shop!

6) Consider Consigning: What a great way to make some money to reinvest in your shopping!  I am the absolute worst at letting go of adorable clothes.  It is easier for me at least, to give up clothing that I purchased second hand.  I think of it as "clothes sharing" - someone owned it before my kids, and someone will own it after my kids.  Coming in with that expectation makes parting a little less sorrowful. You can't do this at the TPOM sale its for members only but the Just between friends you are more then welcome do consign. 

7) Get Ready for the Next Sale:  Don't forget to sign up for the sale's mailing list to be sure you're ready for the next event.  Most hold events twice a year and mailing list signups are available at checkout.

8) Make a list and check it twice: Make a list of all the things you are looking for. Do you need PJ's or do you need Christmas picture clothes? Puzzles or cloth diapers? Make sure that you know the sizes and what you think they might be in a few months. I know that my boys are in a size 24 months now but in the spring will more then likely be in a 3 so I go with that in mind. 

9) Take your best friend. It is always so much more fun when you have a coffee in hand and your best friend to spend the day with.  That way you also have a buddy to talk with and you are able to also have someone hold your space while you go back for the 5th time to look again, or for you to use the potty. ( if they have one open) 

10) Be friendly and nice.  Be nice to the people that are working on this sale. They are not getting paid for this! They are volunteers. So when you are getting all uptight please remember this.  

Now grab your purse and get shopping!  If you're already a veteran consignment shopper, leave a comment and tell us about your BEST consignment sale deal! Local or not! 

Aspirates.......

B's had an appointment with his food therapist today and they decided that they wanted him to have a swallow study to make sure he isn’t aspirating when he swallows liquids. 

His last study was when he was still in the NICU at only 2 months old, at which point he was still having a large amount of aspiration on his milk. 

at that time it was the hard for him and we never saw him take anywhere near a full feed by mouth. (Which he promptly puked up in spectacular fashion – aspiration was only one of our problems.) You see he is the kid that has aspirations when he sleeps, causing him to wake up a zillion times a night. Making it hard for his brother to sleep and for me to get up and comfort him and make sure he is okay. We need a few answers.  

We were lucky this time to be able to have Daddy with us. Brother was able to stay with MeeMa and Pop. F  was in good hands & I am sure he was being spoiled while we were able to get some one on one time with B. 

Anyways, we have a small reason to believe he is still aspirating now. At times when he drinks small amounts of water from sippy cups  he chokes and coughs, then other times without a problem and has had pneumonia 

(a tell-tale sign of a kid who aspirates). 

With that we wanted to be sure, so there we were.

B did exactly as I thought he would. He was slightly anxious in the waiting room, but completely lost his  mind as soon as we were brought down to the radiology suite. He screamed like he was being stabbed, and was only momentarily calmed by iPads, bubbles, and songs. But in the end, I got him to calm down enough to take a few sips from his cup 

(before he realized the barium was nasty), 

and they saw five or six successful swallows! 

We have to use thicker food and our food issues are far from over, but we did get a few answers and a few things that will start to help. 

We will be back in a few months to check in and do this test all over again. 

The thing I want most for him is to not struggle. To not hurt, to not panic when he chokes & aspirates.  

Wordless Wednesday..............( well maybe a few)

Brock. My Twin A. My little Man. My brave little boy. Next week will be Franky's turn. Where I must ask did the time go? Slow down... it is already going way to fast. 

                                        
                                                  

Those eyes of yours kill me every time. You melt my heart with just one look. 

Mommy loves you to the moon and back buddy. 

Tempt my Tummy Tuesday.

This is what is for dinner tonight. It has been a busy week with Doctors appointments for B. Then Hub's has been working over time a lot. He then has a ton of things to do outside the house and in the next week or two we will be painting the outside of our house.. Well when I say we I mean he. It is also a zillion degrees outside and even hotter in our house. So I am trying to find things to cook that will make it not become any hotter.  I found this recipe on Pinterest via Hi Its Jilly Make sure you check her blog out its totally cute. 

BLT Pasta Salad


Ingredients:
3 2/3 C. cooked pasta (about 8 oz uncooked)- You can use farfalle, elbow, rotini, fusilli, etc. The pasta in the picture above is rainbow radiatori.
4 C. chopped tomatoes, or you can use cherry or grape tomatoes, halved
4 slices cooked bacon, crumbled or chopped 
3 C. thinly sliced romaine lettuce (do NOT use iceberg! Seriously! It is the nutritional equivalent to cardboard!)
1/2 C. low-fat mayonnaise  (I like the Mayo with Olive Oil)
1/3 C. plain, low-fat yogurt, drained
1 TB Dijon mustard
1 tsp sugar, or your favorite sweetener
2 tsp apple cider vinegar
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper


Directions:
1. Combine first 4 ingredients in a bowl, toss gently.
2. In a separate bowl combine the remaining ingredients. Stir well.
3. Add dressing to salad and toss gently. 


You can serve it immediately, or let it chill in the fridge for a few hours. Or, you can make it the night before without the lettuce, then add the lettuce right before serving it. I actually like the way it tastes after it's had some time to chill in the fridge. 


I hope you enjoy this recipe. It's a great meal to throw together in the morning, then go have some fun with your family without worrying about dinner. 

The Ocean Lodge Hotel.. Review....

We headed to the Ocean Lodge, it was as if we found the crown jewel of the Oregon coast. This is the kind of place that took your breathe away the second you drive up. Upon Entering the lobby I felt like I had been transformed into a time when it was a slower pace even with all the modern amenities but still all through out the resort you get a feel and see just the most subtle hints of a 1940's beach resort.

                                                 

The history of the lodge is present and in every detail. With the old time charm, wherever your eye wanders. When they were building the lodge the owners knew that this location where now the Ocean Lodge proudly sits was a once in a life time opportunity. They wanted to create a place that was going to be something that their family, generations from now could be proud of. They hired Raven Architecture of Seattle to help them create a lodge with the ambiance that the Raven Architecture has truly captured in the old meets new world feeling.

We got checked into the room, We booked the cottage. It is across from the main area of the Lodge. Our cottage had to offer had everything we could think of and couldn't ask for more. The front porch with a peak a boo view of the ocean. The room was spacious with all the comforts of home. The nice jacuzzi with jets in the bathroom, the showers that we had in our room was rather small but, sill it didn't take away from the experience. The bed was good and comfortable,  The wonderful gas fire place made it so relaxing to sit and gaze at all evening and long into the night at the flickering flames.

The lovely in room Kitchenette that we had was great. It certainly was helpful for us to be able to use some of the items that we brought from home, allowing us to enjoy home made waffles that next morning. To make that breakfast even better was the coffee pot, cafe style coffee cups & Sleepy Monk® Organic in-room coffee, that I have to say being a girl from Seattle gave the S word a run for the money!  It was a great start to a wonderful day at the beach.

So many extra touches that they do for their guest, A large selection of movies to play on your in-room DVD player (no rental fee!) homemade cookies in the lobby of the hotel that are always warm. Sleepy Monk® Organic Fair-Trade Coffee in the lobby 24 hrs a day. Free wifi access available for all the guests.The large private on site library of games and books to choose from that all guest can borrow. A large free breakfast for all the mornings that you stay there. For a family of four this is a must to help save on some money. The staff are hospitable and very helpful always informative and so friendly. 

The Lodge is on the south end of Cannon Beach, which is the most desirable beach town on the entire Oregon coast. with boutique shopping, art galleries and amazing 5 start restaurants. The location is great because it is only a little away from the heart of down town Cannon beach, letting you truly get away and relax! 

We were able to do things that we loved as well as things the fur babies loved and the boys. We were able to make smore's on the beach with the amazing kit that they have for only $99.00 it came with everything we needed to make the smores along with the firewood and fire starters, it came with a trail map for a family friendly hike we did on our second day. It came with a frisbee, and a kite, that the boys would love to do next summer when they are a little older. They did love the sand dollar paint project that came with brushes and paint to decorate them It was messy but it was fun. But this was a mommy fail because I didn't take pictures and sadly forgot them there. 

The Ocean Lodge believes that nobody has to stay at home when you come to visit Cannon Beach! There are so very many hotels along the coast, that don't feel this way.  The Ocean Lodge is delighted to welcome your pet and has designated select rooms with easy beach access to accommodate you and your pets. Your best-friend is welcome to share your lodging and vacation fun,  with a large variety of pet packages and goodies for your "Fur Babies". What I loved most is that they even go the extra mile by providing a dog wash in the front lawn.  There is a very reasonable small fee per night, per pet, but once you see all the amazing things that your dogs get you wont even thing twice about the fee. There is a two pet per room maximum, although they are so easy to work with I am sure that if you had a third they would be willing to work with you.Please make sure that you note there is a small pet fee of $15 per pet per night. 

 We truly enjoyed our stay and being able to sit and truly relax in the on site Adirondack chairs overlooking Haystack Rock and the beautifully scenic Oregon coast, It is really a wonderful place to let your cares and worries roll out with the waves.  I know that when I go back to Cannon beach I will be coming back to the Ocean Lodge! I added it to my speed dial in my cell phone for when the mood strikes my fancy! I know that I have taught my boys the love of the sea. This will be a wonderful visit each year that we look forward too! 

Xoxo,
Twinpeaks Mama. <3

Make sure you mention me when you book. Feel free to call them at 1-503-436-2241. 1-888-777-4047 or go to their website and book directly. The Ocean Lodge & make sure to ask for the Manager Wendy Higgins. They are located at 2864 South Pacific Street

Mailing address is P.O. Box 1037

Young at heart.

I hope when I am this ladies age that I am still young at heart. I love birthdays so much. I know when I am her age I will be that much more in love with them.  The boys are going to be 21 months old next week and I have been planning their birthday sense last spring. I get more excited to do their birthday then I have ever been exited for anything. 

I have a ton of friends with twin boys that are all around the same age so I wont post what I am planning, but it has something to do with Mickey Mouse. They are in love with that mouse!  I promise I will take pictures and let you know how I made everything or where I got the items. 

I hope you enjoy your weekend and enjoy this pictures as much as I do. :)